Open letter to the lovely ladies of my Bar Exam Review Course

Dear Ladies:
I know that from a very young age we are told, “Do not sit on the seat of a public toilet.” I am on board with this principle. There are germs and germs are bad and really lets get right down to the bottom of it … it’s just kind of gross, our booties do not need to be rubbing up on grimy surfaces. So, when I say I am with my sisters, I am sooo with you. BUT, I just need to know, what the hell are you doing in there, that every time I enter one of the stalls, the only thing that keeps me from passing out is the absolute horror I feel at the prospect of anything but the soles of my shoes touching that floor.

Let’s disregard for a moment the fact the bathrooms at our review classes have seat covers in every stall. Maybe you are anti seat covers of any kind and have stripped your houses down to the bones in a frantic upholstery-inspired rage. Or, maybe studying for the bar has made you so delusional that you have forgotten what seat covers are for and are wearing them as lovely paper necklaces during your private time. Or, maybe you believe that toilets are so gross that even with a seat cover you won’t dare let that seat within a foot of your bootie. All of these things I have accepted, but if you are going to “hover” above the toilet seat (as so many of us ladies do) then hit the gym hon! Because either your thigh muscles are not strong enough to support you in a squat position OR you are all having sever epileptic seizures the minute you drop trou.

Either way, kindly, stop being so damn gross.

Thanks!

- Me

We will now continue with our regularly scheduled and wedding-oriented programming.
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