Friday, November 7, 2008

Thoughts on ...... children

I do not want a flower girl or ring bearer.

It is at this point in the conversation that people usually start hurling rotted fruit and guilt at me.

"But your little third cousin twice removed has been looking forward to it now for 5 years! The day you got engaged she started throwing flowers on the floor just to practice!" ... "But YOU HAVE TO! Everybody has flower girls and ring bearers! Everyone will think your weird!" ... "How can you be so cold? Why don't you like kids!" .... "You walked down the aisle at your cousin's wedding twenty years ago, you have to put her daughter in your wedding!! She will never speak to us again!" and the winner of them all, from my papa (please imagine with thick Slavic accent from huge Russian man) "Iz fine wit me! But my dog iz walking down aisle, da?"

"Net!"("No" in Russian) ... sorry papa! Please keep in mind that the dog my father is referring to is a Giant Schnauzer, not a small doggy... not small at all.

Its not that I don't like kids or pets. I actually really like both of them! I love playing with little kids and there is nothing that turns me all goopy like a puppy (and by puppy I mean any dog of any variety ... really any fuzzy animal of any variety). But I just dont want them walking down the aisle.. I don't even have a reason for it. I have been to some great weddings with the cutest flower girls in tutus and ring bearers in the little suits (adorable!) but when I think of my wedding day, I just don't see those things as being a part of it.

I want the kiddies in my fam to come and have a great time, I want to give them their own table full of toys and games for them to enjoy ... I just dont see why they need to be part of the ceremony; which to me is very special, important, meaningful event and I feel like the only people who I want to be in it are people who can appreciate the relevance and who are meaningful to me and the Big Guy (and we dont have any kids of our own yet so there arent really any kids who have that much meaning to our relationship). Besides which, if we did try to pick then we would need to pick one or two kids over some other kids in our respective families and I don't want to have to do that!

Ok people what is the word? Am I just a horrible person who is dashing the hopes of every member of my family under age 10?

PS: Super cute kiddo in the pic right? Image from here.


Jenny.Lee said...

We are not having a flower girl or ring bearer either. We aren't even having children at the wedding other than Zane's two sons. So no, I don't think you should feel guilty at all. It's your wedding and you should only choose the "traditions" that mean something to you and your fiance.

bekapaige said...

I vote NOT a horrible person. It's your wedding-- you and your fiance are the only two people who need to be happy! Stick to your guns girl :)

east side bride said...

We didn't do the flower girl/ring bearer thing either. Didn't even discuss it! It always feels gratuitous cuteness to me... Plus I never really liked being a flower girl myself.

juliette c. said...

You have to follow your herat. And, mostly, your style.
I am with you!

Bridechka said...

Thanks for all the back-up guys! It is much appreciated in the face of the judgies.

bridechic said...

I did only kids from 3-12 years in my ceremony. If I had to do it again I'd get a babysitter, or better yet, that Nanny McPhee from WE TV. I totally respect your view point on this subject.

EliandMe said...

I envy you Bridechka, I really do. At last count I had 3 flower girls and 2 pageboys. And, unbelievably, the only element of the wedding that is causing any friction between us and our families is what these children will wear(for a maximum of ten minutes before they are covered in mud and juice and ice cream.)

I think you've got the right idea.

Although if I'm being honest, the big dog ringbearer does appeal x

Bridechka said...

Haha the giant animal would be really cute, but what to do with him afterwards? Besides terrify some of the less than dog-loving guests? On the other hand he might be useful at keeping the kids busy... sort of a canine Nanny McPhee.... hmmm I might need to rethink this plan all together.

Thanks again guys! Your comments have been comforting, hilarious, and most of all really appreciated :)

Abbie said...

No, you're not. People need to get over what you're "supposed" to do.

Krista said...

I'm late joining the conversation ... but don't worry about not having children in the wedding. Nowhere does it say a wedding must have a flower girl and a ring bearer. Nor should you feel obligated to include children.

We're having two flower girls and two ring bearers. Here's why: the girls are the daughters of a good friend of ours; the boys are the sons of another good friend of ours. It would be so sweet and meaningful to us if they could participate in a small way. And how could I pick between siblings who are close in age?! But we only have those 2 close few friends who have kids (and we see those 4 kids all the time), so to include all 4 of the kids in our lives made sense to us.

And I love your dad wanting the dog to walk down the aisle! Haha!